How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship During Deployments
Deployments and temporary assignments are just a part of military life. But that doesn't mean your life back home has to freeze. Whether you're dealing with short TDYs or long overseas tours, keeping your marriage and family strong is a team effort.
If you are a service member preparing for a departure, your family's peace of mind is your top priority. Preparing early is the key to preventing endless stress for your spouse and kids while you're away. I’ve been through deployments as a single service member, and now I'm navigating my very first deployment being married. We planned ahead, got our families to help, and found the right tools to make it work.
In this guide, you’ll learn how to survive a long distance relationship, protect your family's daily peace of mind, and master being present during assignments even when you're thousands of miles away.
Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
Get Your Legal and Financial Ducks in a Row (Protect Your Home)
Build Your Family Care Plan and Team System
Master Being Present as a Father and Husband
Free Military Resources Your Spouse Needs to Know
Conclusion
Key Takeaways
Plan Before You Go: Talk about how you will handle household problems and childcare decisions before they happen.
Reduce Financial Stress: Use the SCRA and MLA to lower your debt interest rates so your spouse has fewer bills to worry about.
Lock Down Legal Safety: Set up your Power of Attorney, Will, and Tricare before your departure date so your spouse has the authority to make critical decisions for your kids.
Build a Support Network: Don't wait until things boil over; make sure your spouse has a close circle of family, friends, and military resources.
Get Your Legal and Financial Ducks in a Row
When you go on active duty or head out on deployments, your household finances and legal needs will change. To keep things running smoothly back home, you need to use your military benefits to protect your family's budget and give your spouse decision-making power.
First, let's talk about the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act (SCRA). This law is a lifesaver for your family's wallet. It caps the interest rates on any pre-service debts; like credit cards, car loans, or student loans, at just 6%. Lower rates mean lower monthly payments, which takes a huge burden off your spouse while you are gone.
Next is the Military Lending Act (MLA). The MLA protects you and your dependents from predatory lenders and high fees. Combined with finance counseling (which you can get for free on base), these tools help you lock down a household budget that keeps your family secure.
Before you walk out the door, you must visit the base legal office to draft two crucial documents:
Power of Attorney (POA): This gives your spouse the legal right to handle household decisions, pay utility bills, and sign important documents while you're gone. Crucially, make sure it includes explicit authority to make decisions for kids when both parents are required.
Will: No one likes to think about worst-case scenarios, but a clear Will protects your spouse and kids if the unthinkable happens, outlining exactly who will care for your children and manage their assets.
Both of these legal documents are completely free to set up on base. Taking care of them now prevents expensive legal headaches and unnecessary stress for your family later.
Build Your Family Care Plan and Team System
A great long distance relationship during TDYs or long tours doesn't happen by accident. You need a system that works for both of you. Having a detailed family care plan is absolutely essential.
Start by talking about how you will deal with issues before they actually happen. Who handles the car repairs? What is the budget limit for emergency purchases? Most importantly, who is authorized to pick up the kids from school or take them to doctor appointments if your spouse gets sick or has an emergency?
If your spouse is not military, they might not know how the system works. Sit down and show them how to navigate base resources and who to call if something breaks.
If you are transitioning to active duty, make sure you set up Tricare properly. Your family's health must be taken care of so you can focus on your mission without worrying about medical emergencies back home. Double-check that your spouse and dependents are registered in DEERS and that their health coverage is active.
Remember, your spouse is not alone in this journey, but you have to build a team. Ask family, close friends, and neighbors to form a support circle around your household. Not every military command is great at checking in on how families are doing. It is your job to protect your family, so don’t let things go too far down the hill before raising your hand and asking for help.
Master Being Present as a Father and Husband
If you are a father, leaving your kids is the hardest part of the job. But being present during assignments is still possible with a little creativity.
Before you leave, talk to your kids. Let them know what's going to happen in simple, honest terms. During your deployment, establish a routine. If your internet allows, read a bedtime story over a video call, or record videos of yourself reading their favorite books before you leave so they can hear your voice every night.
To keep your marriage healthy, lean into stress management and family counseling. Deployment puts heavy pressure on both partners. Military OneSource offers free, confidential non-medical counseling sessions for both you and your spouse. Using these services keeps your communication clean, helps manage stress, and keeps your emotional connection strong.
Free Military Resources Your Spouse Needs to Know
You don't have to spend a dime to build a great support system. The military provides tons of free resources to help your spouse and kids navigate life while you're away:
Military OneSource: Your 24/7 gateway to free master-level counseling, financial advice, and deployment support.
The Key Spouse Group: A volunteer unit program that connects your spouse with other families going through the same thing.
Family Readiness Department: They offer local support, deployment workshops, and emergency help.
Base Child Care Center: Look into respite care options to give your spouse a much-needed break from parenting.
Chaplains and Local Churches: Great places to find community support, trusted advice, and a listening ear.
Conclusion
Surviving a long distance relationship during deployments or TDYs takes teamwork, preparation, and community support. By protecting your family with a Will and Power of Attorney—ensuring your spouse can make critical decisions for your kids without delay—you can keep your home front secure. Lean on your support circle, make use of free military programs, and remember that you are never alone in this.
What is your family's go-to strategy for staying connected and supported during time away? Let me know in the comments below!
